Reflections and Resolutions

Happy New Year Everyone!!

It's the first day of the first week of the first month of 2016 (here in Toronto), and I felt like making one of those posts about how last year treated me (or how I treated myself last year) and what my plans are for this year.

 TL; DR: 2015 was a good year. Here's to an even better 2016!

Ok, here we go!

In 2015, I:

• got rid of all of my furniture and most of my possessions,
• went on a cruise with my family, celebrating my 28th birthday in the Caribbean on the water complete with (if I recall) 14 different birthday songs and many people I love,
• moved to Korea for a great job teaching high school English with the help of an awesome, generous, kind friend,
• met some really good new friends, one of whom convinced me to pursue what could be a life-changing endeavour, another of whom keeps me motivated, another of whom listens to me winge (is this a word?) with patience, and more,
• gained greater clarity on where I want to be in the years to come,
• set SMART goals for my finances, my career, my health,

• developed a better relationship with food (eating when I'm hungry, less comfort eating, no more binging but not by force),
• started working on a better relationship with my body (this is a bigger job, pun intended),
• started work on getting to a better relationship with my self (lifetime work in progress),
• discovered that standard classroom teaching is not my forever, especially since I have a great job now and still feel this way,
• was able to go to the wedding of a special friend of mine and felt more included in THEIR day than I could have expected,
• learned more about the way I respond to the world, how the world can change, how I can change, and how I have already changed,
• spent quality time with my family during the holidays. Even now as I type this, my mum is sitting next to me working away on her own laptop haha.

Whew! I wouldn't be surprised if there was more that I forgot, but that's a lot on its own! I'm quite pleased with the way the year went, even when it wasn't pleasant in the moment.

So what's next?

In 2016, I'd like to:

• renew my contract for one more year,
• accomplish the short- to mid-term goals I set in 2015,
• build my portfolio and skillset in web developing,
• do a better job of lesson planning ahead of time,
• continue with the habits I formed in 2015 re: eating and physical activity,
• criticise myself less,
• love myself more (i.e. actively do things to show love to myself).

TBH, I'm just seeing how things go. It doesn't feel as much like a new beginning as I'd thought it might, and I suspect it's because a lot of the changes that I wanted to make were made during 2015. I'm impatient and if I genuinely want to do something I don't do well with waiting until a significant moment to start over. Plus it isn't starting over. I've learned that (in my life, anyway) everything goes in waves, or cycles. There are new phases, but I don't hinge all my hopes on them, because I know myself better and that has helped me to make better habits last longer. When I slip, I let myself slip, then I get back on track. Life can be stressful without us realising; there's no need to bring it on ourselves.

Anyway that's all for now. I'll make another post about my trip here and the trip back... when I'm back in Korea.

I love you all, be well!
Angel xo

I Dreamed a Dream.... and then it happened. Kinda.

So I've been experiencing some dream realness lately.

Exhibit A

The night of Aug. 6. I dreamt that I received an envelope I was waiting for from Air Canada, but instead of the cheque for $400 that I was expecting, it was a gift certificate to some store for $280. I was frustrated and bewildered. The next day, I received that envelope and instead of a cheque for $400, it was a NOTICE of compensation. In other words, an I.O.U. I was frustrated and bewildered.

Exhibit B

The night of Aug. 7. I dreamt that I received a cheque from my alma mater for $13,000 because I had such a high GPA. I remember saying, "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" I felt elated. The next day, I didn't receive money BUT there was a sale at the Shoe Company and I got 3 pairs of shoes, all shoes that I'd been meaning to get for a WHILE, for less than $150. I felt elated and said something like, "YES! THAT'S what I'm talking about!"

Exhibit C

Last night. I dreamt that I had a conversation with Sammy, a family member who passed away earlier this year. I don't know if it was a visitation dream, because we didn't talk about much, except going out for dinner. He wasn't eating (didn't need to anymore), but was happy to go with us and chat and drink tea while we ate. Mostly I remember him just looking at me and smiling. This morning, my first day of work for the semester, I'm in the final stages of getting ready to go and I get a text from my Korean teacher liaison and he tells me that there's been a schedule change and today (and every Monday now) I only have 2 classes and don't start until 4pm (rather than 4 classes and starting at 10:30am). His English name.... is Sam.

Mind Blown

That is all. Enjoy your day!

Going Back

You won't believe it... or maybe you will. But when I left Korea the last time I said, "Great learning and growing experience. Glad I did it. Never again."

Well, now I'm going back. Why? Good question considering how I felt 3 years ago. The truth is ..... something's telling me to go back. Call it Spirit, or God, or intuition, or adventure, or whatever. But that's the main reason. I'm also interested in a "do-over." You know, I want to try again. Also in the space of 3 years my feelings went from "never again" to "nostalgic but still never again" to "nostalgic... maybe I should visit but never live there" to "nostalgic... maybe I could do it again" to "I miss it... wait, what?" to "I wanna go back, I think" to "I have to go back" to "I'm going back." Hehehe

In retrospect, and knowing what I know now, I realise that my biggest problem was my attitude. And I realised it while I was there too, which is why the last 5 months there were notably better than the first 7. The next biggest issue was that I never left Asia in that whole year. I think if I'd gone home for Christmas, or if I'd decided to get a new job after my contract ended, but went home for a month or two, I may not have had the same outlook. As it is, I needed the time to grow even more as a person.

This time around I'll be going with some experience and the insights that came with it. I'll have more control over where I live and now I know I always have total control over how I feel and how I respond (rather than react) to situations. I know now that what I put out I get back, in actions, words, and thoughts.

Right now I'm in the process of selling/giving away/throwing out everything but what I plan to bring with me. Most of my stuff I have very little attachment to, but I feel like just throwing them out would be a waste, so I'm trying to be mindful of how I release things, which takes time, but I started doing it even before I had a job, so I'm not in a hurry. I've got one more month to release everything else. Some of these things, though, are hard for me to let go. So this next month will definitely be an exercise in detachment.

I'm excited all throughout this process, so let's see how things go!!

Anyway, that's all for now. More updates to come. =)

Angel xo