Where's the Wheat?!

I've known for about 3.5 years now that I am intolerant to/sensitive to wheat/ gluten. Or I have IBS (I've heard they're pretty interchangeable terms). But I've loved the taste for so long, I would still cheat. Recently the desire to eat wheat (donuts, pastries, paninis, cake, etc.) has been less than my desire not to look 5 months pregnant and feel like a stuffed sausage every time I try to sit cross-legged on the ground. So I stopped. Cold turkey. For the first 2 days I was still taking wheatgrass, because so many websites site it as being gluten-free, but I have the same symptoms when I take it, just to a lesser extent so I stopped with that too. It's been 5 days completely wheat-free and I am currently going through some wheat withdrawal. Hungry more often. Craving bread. Craving every food I see online. Feeling despondent. Baby Jesus help me.

That's all. If you have resources to help me through this difficult time I would appreciate them, but rest assured I'm looking too and I know I just have to grit my teeth and muscle through it but it sucks.

Ok bye.

Angel xo

Reflections and Resolutions

Happy New Year Everyone!!

It's the first day of the first week of the first month of 2016 (here in Toronto), and I felt like making one of those posts about how last year treated me (or how I treated myself last year) and what my plans are for this year.

 TL; DR: 2015 was a good year. Here's to an even better 2016!

Ok, here we go!

In 2015, I:

• got rid of all of my furniture and most of my possessions,
• went on a cruise with my family, celebrating my 28th birthday in the Caribbean on the water complete with (if I recall) 14 different birthday songs and many people I love,
• moved to Korea for a great job teaching high school English with the help of an awesome, generous, kind friend,
• met some really good new friends, one of whom convinced me to pursue what could be a life-changing endeavour, another of whom keeps me motivated, another of whom listens to me winge (is this a word?) with patience, and more,
• gained greater clarity on where I want to be in the years to come,
• set SMART goals for my finances, my career, my health,

• developed a better relationship with food (eating when I'm hungry, less comfort eating, no more binging but not by force),
• started working on a better relationship with my body (this is a bigger job, pun intended),
• started work on getting to a better relationship with my self (lifetime work in progress),
• discovered that standard classroom teaching is not my forever, especially since I have a great job now and still feel this way,
• was able to go to the wedding of a special friend of mine and felt more included in THEIR day than I could have expected,
• learned more about the way I respond to the world, how the world can change, how I can change, and how I have already changed,
• spent quality time with my family during the holidays. Even now as I type this, my mum is sitting next to me working away on her own laptop haha.

Whew! I wouldn't be surprised if there was more that I forgot, but that's a lot on its own! I'm quite pleased with the way the year went, even when it wasn't pleasant in the moment.

So what's next?

In 2016, I'd like to:

• renew my contract for one more year,
• accomplish the short- to mid-term goals I set in 2015,
• build my portfolio and skillset in web developing,
• do a better job of lesson planning ahead of time,
• continue with the habits I formed in 2015 re: eating and physical activity,
• criticise myself less,
• love myself more (i.e. actively do things to show love to myself).

TBH, I'm just seeing how things go. It doesn't feel as much like a new beginning as I'd thought it might, and I suspect it's because a lot of the changes that I wanted to make were made during 2015. I'm impatient and if I genuinely want to do something I don't do well with waiting until a significant moment to start over. Plus it isn't starting over. I've learned that (in my life, anyway) everything goes in waves, or cycles. There are new phases, but I don't hinge all my hopes on them, because I know myself better and that has helped me to make better habits last longer. When I slip, I let myself slip, then I get back on track. Life can be stressful without us realising; there's no need to bring it on ourselves.

Anyway that's all for now. I'll make another post about my trip here and the trip back... when I'm back in Korea.

I love you all, be well!
Angel xo

Tired

I've been pretty drained lately. I've been slipping into La La Land. The space where nothing matters except what I want or what my body needs. Not out of anger or defiance, but fatigue. I just lose the energy to focus on others. It gets hard to remember what time it is, or even what day it is. This morning, I almost forgot I needed to get dressed and leave for work. I mean, I woke knowing I had to go to work, but I just... zoned out of responsibilities mode and kind of withdrew I guess. When I was on the bus, I started to zone out and fall asleep 3 stops before I needed to get off. I got off at the right stop though.

I've been consciously focusing on things that interest me, because I'd become bored. And with all the cool and exciting things there are to do, being bored made me feel like I was being lazy. So I started coding. I'm enjoying it. There's SO MUCH to learn, but it's fun so I can handle the occasional feeling of overwhelm. It's not just new languages (html, css, javascript, java, ruby, etc.), it's a whole new world. And that's fascinating and a little intimidating, but I'm not alone in my learning, which helps immensely.

I started taking Korean lessons. I like them. I don't really have much else to say about that.

I've also started a podcast. I've only done 2 episodes and I have ideas for future ones, but I don't know how well that's going. It was an idea I'd had, but never acted upon because that's how I roll. I often get a case of analysis paralysis, where I over think things and as a result never act on them. Then I was encouraged by a couple of my coding friends to be more proactive (or just active really) and just do it. So I did it. And then I made another one. The 2nd one didn't receive much positive feedback on the content, or the style. I mean, I asked for the feedback, and I got some constructive critiques, but I'm still learning how to not take criticism personally. Especially when it's about something I created (and was afraid to create).

I straddle this line between fear of rejection, and need for external validation. It's messed up, you know? So I put myself out there, even though I'm afraid. And sometimes I regret it. But that's life.

I'm writing more, and seeing friends more, which pleases me. Maybe that's why I'm tired. I'm doing a lot more than I was doing before. And being an introvert who also enjoys being social, I need to learn when to step back and slow down before I exhaust myself (like it seems I've done). Monday comes and I wonder what happened to the weekend, because I didn't rest. So maybe this is what happens when I don't take enough time to myself?

Gamcheon Culture Village

Friday was "Hangeul Nal" which means Hangeul Day. Hangeul is the written form of Korean, created by King Sejeong (I think) to make Korean more accessible to the common folk.

On that day everyone had the day off, so I went to Gamcheon Culture Village with some new friends and took a bunch of pictures. Real people live there every day, and if I remember correctly it housed a lot of refugees displaced by/from the Korean War. Now, however, it's like an art walk with lots of great photo ops. I can't imagine what it must be like to live there, hanging your laundry out to dry for tourists to see.... weird.
With that said.... We had a great time! From the 2 hilarious taxi drivers we had to the great photos to Chloe's phenomenal creeper face, it was a wonderful day for me. Lots of fun and laughs and pictures! So here they are:

(L-R) Jen, Monika in front, Chloe and MOI!

Pigeon People

I'm a little nervous about where this sign is pointing...

Look at that foolishness

I don't know her, but she really wanted a picture with me. My first case of waygook fame!!

Look at that gorgeousness

The BEST creeper shot.

Shoutout to my Mom's "Home Pose"!

I don't know how she does it. She's teaching me.

Pants Plants (say that 5 times fast!). The sign says "Community Square"

Long weekend? Already?

I'll take it!

The 2nd semester only just started, but I have Monday off b/c no classes, hurray! This is definitely a huge perk of being the foreign teacher on a separate contract from my Korean counterparts. Way less work. Way less responsibility. Way more flexibility. I don't know if I make more or less than they do, though.

Actually I should amend that previous paragraph to say it's a huge perk of MY JOB. Not all foreign teachers have this kind of flexibility with their schools. In fact, most don't. Especially considering I don't work for a university (yet). But God likes me a lot, I think, so I often end up in great living spaces and now great workplaces too.

Heavily edited photo of me looking somewhat smug.
Ironically, I'm at work in this shot.

Also, here are some cool photos I took recently, just because I'm trying to use Facebook less for important things. Like random photos..... Anyway here:

Cider at this place called Galmegi I think

Fried Chicken Curry....with cheese. It was good!

Lavender around all the trees in my neighbourhood.

Monday Funday

It was a good day, I just wanted to say that.

I now start late every Monday, which means a much more relaxing introduction to the work week for the rest of the semester. Especially great as the days get shorter and the mornings get darker.

Also, the earliest I will be starting on any given day is 11:30 (an hour later than the previous 10:30). Pretty sweet.

Also, on the way home, there was a food truck selling churros!

Pretty clever name, yes?

Of course I bought some.

For those of you on the other side of the planet, I hope your Monday is as good as mine was!

Angel xo

I Dreamed a Dream.... and then it happened. Kinda.

So I've been experiencing some dream realness lately.

Exhibit A

The night of Aug. 6. I dreamt that I received an envelope I was waiting for from Air Canada, but instead of the cheque for $400 that I was expecting, it was a gift certificate to some store for $280. I was frustrated and bewildered. The next day, I received that envelope and instead of a cheque for $400, it was a NOTICE of compensation. In other words, an I.O.U. I was frustrated and bewildered.

Exhibit B

The night of Aug. 7. I dreamt that I received a cheque from my alma mater for $13,000 because I had such a high GPA. I remember saying, "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" I felt elated. The next day, I didn't receive money BUT there was a sale at the Shoe Company and I got 3 pairs of shoes, all shoes that I'd been meaning to get for a WHILE, for less than $150. I felt elated and said something like, "YES! THAT'S what I'm talking about!"

Exhibit C

Last night. I dreamt that I had a conversation with Sammy, a family member who passed away earlier this year. I don't know if it was a visitation dream, because we didn't talk about much, except going out for dinner. He wasn't eating (didn't need to anymore), but was happy to go with us and chat and drink tea while we ate. Mostly I remember him just looking at me and smiling. This morning, my first day of work for the semester, I'm in the final stages of getting ready to go and I get a text from my Korean teacher liaison and he tells me that there's been a schedule change and today (and every Monday now) I only have 2 classes and don't start until 4pm (rather than 4 classes and starting at 10:30am). His English name.... is Sam.

Mind Blown

That is all. Enjoy your day!